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Post by Modern Method. on May 7, 2007 19:46:04 GMT -5
^ yup, mines pretty similiar! lol
you are talented and multi-skilled indeed! lol
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Post by Ass Turkey on May 7, 2007 21:16:31 GMT -5
^^^ "I know some tricks I swear will give you the bends..." ;-) hhahaha
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Post by tetherednchained on May 7, 2007 21:43:05 GMT -5
^ yup, mines pretty similiar! lol you are talented and multi-skilled indeed! lol ^^^ "I know some tricks I swear will give you the bends..." ;-) hhahaha You guys really need to get a room. lol
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Post by BTweety04 on May 7, 2007 21:56:52 GMT -5
LOL
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Post by Xalazi on May 11, 2007 0:25:39 GMT -5
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Post by tetherednchained on May 15, 2007 16:10:45 GMT -5
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Post by Sukkubus on May 20, 2007 4:25:00 GMT -5
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Post by Modern Method. on May 20, 2007 15:09:04 GMT -5
coolest thing in a long while!!
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Post by Sukkubus on May 20, 2007 15:59:06 GMT -5
^^ The strangest thing is, he sings them pretty well.
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Post by Xalazi on May 20, 2007 19:58:29 GMT -5
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Post by Xalazi on May 21, 2007 22:21:54 GMT -5
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Post by tetherednchained on May 22, 2007 13:44:37 GMT -5
The Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear "the rules" From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE! 1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.
See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear!
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
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Post by Ass Turkey on May 22, 2007 15:05:27 GMT -5
the best thing all those rules are tied at one
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Post by Xalazi on May 24, 2007 15:33:51 GMT -5
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Post by Xalazi on Jun 10, 2007 21:21:38 GMT -5
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Post by FertileSquid on Jun 12, 2007 3:11:49 GMT -5
mom calls the husband a 'bastard'
and then the dad calls the wife a "bitch"
and billy goes to his mom and says "mom what's a bitch and a bastard?"
and the mom says "well, a bitch is a lady and a bastard is a gentlemen"
and then later billy goes outside and listens to his neighbors, and hears "Put your penis in my vagina!"
So Billy goes to his mom and says "mom whats a penis and vagina?"
His moms says "Well Billy, a penis is a hat and a vagina is a coat"
and then later billy sees his dad shaving and cuts himself and says "shit"
and billy said "Dad, whats shit"
And then his dad says "Well billy, shit is a type of Shaving cream "
and then billy goes to see his mom cutting the turkey and his mom cuts her finger and says "fuck!"
and then billy says to his mom "Mom whats fuck?"
"Well billy fuck is a way of cutting the turkey"
and Then later the guests arrive and billy goes to them and says
"Hello bitches and bastards, may i take your penis's and vaginas, my dad's upstairs wiping shit off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen fucking the Turkey"
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Post by Ass Turkey on Jun 14, 2007 12:41:23 GMT -5
^^^HAhaha I love that joke
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Post by Sukkubus on Jun 15, 2007 1:24:51 GMT -5
lol Squid LOL!!!
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Post by Modern Method. on Jun 15, 2007 5:00:04 GMT -5
^^LOL!!
literally. never heard that one before.
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Post by tetherednchained on Jun 15, 2007 8:38:50 GMT -5
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says, "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?" Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby." "Really!? Like a newborn baby!?" Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly." The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?" The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know...The one that's red and has thorns." "Do you mean a rose?" "Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"
Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. "I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."
A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: "So I hear you're getting married?" "Yep!" "Do I know her?" "Nope!" "This woman, is she good looking?" "Not really." "Is she a good cook?" "Naw, she can't cook too well." "Does she have lots of money?" "Nope! Poor as a church mouse." "Well, then, is she good in bed?" "I don't know." "Why in the world do you want to marry her then?" "Because she can still drive!"
Three old guys are out walking. First one says, "Windy, isn't it?" Second one says, "No, it's Thursday!" Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."
A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect." "Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?" "Twelve thirty."
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'" The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful."
One more. . .!
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?" "No," he replied. "Arthritis.”
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