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Post by Xalazi on May 25, 2012 8:26:26 GMT -5
Why is this a #1 bestseller? www.youtube.com/watch?v=71mX8ssfl5oI use to think that I was too much of a hack writer to write a commercially successful novel. I'm a decent idea guy, but when it comes to the actual craft of writing I'm not good at all. I was always under the impression that professional writers just didn't do sentences like "He did *insert verb here* *insert adjective ending in "ly" here*. I guess I was dead wrong. I guess there really is nothing holding me back from writing a bestseller. Also, this sets women back about 50 years. I consider myself somewhat of a feminist, but I think I lost a bit of respect for females everywhere after this.
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milk
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Post by milk on May 25, 2012 10:09:21 GMT -5
I don't think I've heard of that book before but it sounds really dumb.
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Post by Xalazi on May 25, 2012 18:09:43 GMT -5
10 million fucking copies of this thing have been sold.
From a technical stand point, I'm shocked that this book could even be published much less that it's sold 10 million copies. From the passages that I've read(about 3 or 4 pages total) I can see that it commits some of the most basic cardinal sins of writing: -Cliches out the ass. "My inner goddess" has become a meme because of this book. Hell, it uses "You go girl" in a none ironic manner. -Everything is a damn simile or metaphor. This book tells everything and shows nothing. -It repeats phrases over and over again in quick succession -The narrator sounds as boring and dumb as Paris Hilton.
I've heard this book compared to Twilight, and that's not fair to Twilight. I've read a good chunk of the first Twilight book(don't ask), and it's better written than this. I've heard this book compared to fan fiction, and that's not fair either. Fan Fiction is free and done with the understanding that it's amateur work. Hell, I've read slash fiction that would blow this thing right out of the water.
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Post by alittlemouse on May 26, 2012 1:34:56 GMT -5
According to the wikipedia article the book was derived from Twilight fan fiction? How did fan fiction get turned into a book?!
Xalazi if you want to write don't give up your dream.
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milk
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Post by milk on May 26, 2012 7:25:03 GMT -5
Just read that this book will come out in July here in Germany. Let's see how many copies it will sell. I know a few people that could like stuff like this. alittlemouse is right by the way Xalazi, if you've written something you could post it here
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Post by Xalazi on May 26, 2012 14:54:05 GMT -5
I really don't think writing is for me. I like the creating part of it, but drudge work of revising and rewriting kind of kills it for me.
If you are curious, I did post post a story on the forums way back in 2007. Ironically, it's the same genre as Fifty shades. lol
Enjoy: Let's see: razor blade, check. Jar, check. Hydrogen peroxide, check. Cotton balls, check. Condom, check. I had everything I needed. It might seem like an odd list, but you will see what it's for in a second.
It was 8 PM, which about four times a week meant it was time for my “Extra Special” dinner time. I made my way downstairs, were he was waiting. He was a nice gentleman by the name of Gregory Mcginnis. He was in his early 20's. A really nerdy type of guy. I was always a sucker for the nerds. I found them just so cute. We've been dating for about a month when I decided that he should take permanent resident in my house.
I turned on the lights and went down to the basement. He was chained to the wall by his hands and feet, completely nude, and gagged to keep him from screaming. Not like anyone could hear him scream, it's just that I find loud noises really annoying. That was the usual setup for my male toys. On occasion I would play with a girl, but guys were always more of my thing.
I said “Hey Greg! How you holding up?” He mounded, but without much enthusiasm. Come to think of it, he had been looking more pale than usual recently. He is probably too weak from our rendezvous. I had been trying to feed him to keep his strength up, but he wasn't cooperating much. That's a shame too, I was really enjoying my time with Greg.
I presided to set my tools on top of a table next to Greg. It was time to get his blood flowing, and what better way to get his blood following than by fucking him silly. I have to admit that this is my favorite part of “dinner time”. Sure this part wasn't necessary, but a girl's got to have some fun. At first I jerked him off, but he wasn't responding like I had hoped. I decided to suck him off a bit, and that did the trick. It got him standing in attention. Greg just loved my blowjobs. I put the condom on him, inserted his cock in my pussy, and I began to gyrate my hips. Lucky for me that Greg was well endowed.
After having my fun it was time to get down to business. I picked up the Hydrogen Peroxide and cotton balls, and clean an area in Greg's arm. I grabbed the razor blade and I made a cut on the clean area. Greg was basically filled with scars by now from all our previous “dinners”. I put the jar right underneath the cut. The blood flowed down from the incision. I captured about a pint or so of blood when I decided to close the wound. I wanted more, but Greg just didn't have much to spare.
My heart started pumping. My mouth started to water. I grabbed the jar and drank every drop of blood all in one shot. I just get a rush from. I really can't describe it. I get an emotional high from it that I just don't get from anything else. Blood is the driving force behind everything I do. Without constant supply of it I really don't know what I would do. Simply put, I need Blood!
After a few moments of rejoicing in Greg's blood I regained my composure. I decided that it was time to get rid of Greg. He was a great toy, but his best had gone by. He didn't want to eat, and he had lost too much blood. And if this keeps going much longer he is going to drop dead anyways. And I can't possibly let him rob me the fun of ending his life. In the morning I'll drain whatever blood I can get from him. I'll cut up his body and get rid of his remains. I figure I can go a week before needing blood. I prefer to drink blood about three to four times a week, but I've always have to make sacrifices in between my toys. By then I would have found a new play thing anyways. I'll probably go with a girl that I know from work. She is really pretty, and I haven't played with a girl in a really long time. I said “Goodnight Greg..” and I kissed him good night. I turned off the light and went upstairs. I need to rest for the long day ahead of me tomorrow.
Oh, I guess I forgot to introduce my self. I'm Jasmine Lacey, just your run of the mill vampire serial killer.
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milk
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Post by milk on May 26, 2012 17:43:42 GMT -5
I like it. If there is more I would read it but if you don't want to go on with writing I'll respect that. *I* probably wouldn't have the patience to write a whole book. If I remember correctly my teachers in school usually liked my style of writing but my stories were always pretty short. I guess that killed my mark at the final exams, haha
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Post by alittlemouse on May 26, 2012 19:01:56 GMT -5
I write pretty short stories too. I like to call them vignettes. I usually write about absurd things that really happened to me like the time I overpaid for a really horrible sandwich. I thought a lot of stories were too short and that they would translate better into comic strips/panels.
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Post by Envy on May 29, 2012 22:01:27 GMT -5
I've heard this book compared to Twilight, and that's not fair to Twilight. I've heard this book compared to fan fiction, and that's not fair either. Fan Fiction is free and done with the understanding that it's amateur work. Hell, I've read slash fiction that would blow this thing right out of the water. as mentioned, it's not that it's been compared to Twilight, or fanfic. it's that at its roots... it was Twilight fanfic. on another forum I post on, there's a 'what are you reading' thread. the below quote is my post on the 'novel' in question. ftr, I'm a writer myself (or was, until a delightful turn of plagiarism by a supposed peer soured things for me a little a few years ago - long story), so I can certainly sympathise with your gripe, Xal. I'm just glad to see others sharing my reaction. for what it's worth, yes, I've read it. I'm midway through the second book (and it's just as crap). I always stand by the notion of informed opinion, in everything - even i it means forcing myself through dross like this.
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Post by kattramell on Jun 2, 2012 13:30:34 GMT -5
All I know is my sister is reading it and she blushed trying to explain it all to me. This book has women everywhere all hot and bothered. I say, stop reading about it and do it!
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